Nimrod Tent Owners Club

Sex Friends

The blog takes a considerable expansion, every day beat record of visits, we can speak of true popular success on the blogosphere. Such enthusiasm of readers creates obligations "to great power great responsibility" as they say. These responsibilities include the need to travel every day in the cinema via the emergency exits to discover on the spot all the most anticipated new releases of the public and to criticize them as soon as possible. We must stick to the news, being in the heat of the moment, do not miss. That's why I felt compelled, at the peril of my life avoiding the guards toughest and most cunning of the UGC, to go on the big screen Sex Friends, released last Wednesday. I mention hot, I 'm still in shock. This film took me by the throat. What can I say except that I care about Natalie Portman on fire briefs and Ashton Kutcher is a huge fire engine. If it were a fire, Portman would be the Great Fire of London which has eradicated the plague throughout England. At his side Kutcher is by itself a giant tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, a flood of salt water and ice to turn up any smut incandescent lights by his comrade. Ashton Kutcher could chemically castrate me by his mere presence on screen.

"Your breasts p'tits bakelite fluttering ... "

is not particularly exciting that I have to say about this movie once. But I know that everyone will want to see it because the words" sex "and" Portman "multiples can only cause a tidal wave. Especially that the actress has officially declared a few years ago that she would never play in a movie" on Jennifer Love Hewitt. "This film is the evidence that it does not keep its promises, which is rather encouraging for any non-gay men on this planet. No need to tire myself to tell you about this movie good or bad, everyone 's in beats roustons. You really think I subdue it went to the movies? Look me straight in the eye! I'll wait for dvd-rip, like everyone else. I wanted just cause because he comes out and it is always good cause latest releases, the latest crap.



And also because there is a poster-sized placard against a wall on the path that brings me back from work every night. So every time I pass by I find myself face to face with bare feet, shapely calves, thighs and ass velvet ignited by Natalie Portman. These feet swelled tenfold to be wider than my face, turning out that these beautiful I stare down at a glossy high definition for the greatest misfortune of my little trilili suddenly too tight in his boxers at 50 euros. As foot fetish, my blood does one turn before those crowbars, systematically. I'm completely crazy and I threw all that is feet Arpion, nougat, pumps, foot rot, and other pins. But the spectacle of the sublime displays of godasses Portman makes me completely crackpot.

Sex Friends Ivan Reitman starring Natalie Portman and Ahston Kutcher (2011)

Gay Masterbateing Games

The Messenger

The Messenger yet another American movie about the war in Iraq, this time living from the inside by two soldiers who go to inform families of the death of their loved one. Both soldiers are played by Ben Foster, actor-mouth rat that is seen increasingly in the lead roles while pushing facies had hitherto confined to the characters and villainous traitors of all kinds , and Woody Harrelson, who thus leaves a large number of actors in his role as an old soldier with no heart who has seen others, but who discovers new sensibilities along with his less experienced young wolf. Ben Foster has illegitimate son Jody Foster and master Splinter the rat ninja turtles. He arrived in the worst bitches get laid because he acquired through his father and his foster brothers Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello and perfect knowledge of the underground world. On his list of conquests, Kirsten Dunst, Kristen Stewart and Ellen Page, which earned him a "Limit!" from his father when he was made aware, given the youthfulness of the two latest conquests, imagine a man-sized rat scold you because you cross the yellow line of statutory rape ...

Returning to the film, it seems very long, but it still leaves look. What's more captivating are the stories that are seemingly just when our two characters will announce the new sales among families who have lost one of their own. All those scenes where we just returned home, in their intimacy, only to emerge soon. Alas, these moments are almost always filmed with camera in hand, with small movements can be quite awkward to capture the sadness of the grieving families, and it's pretty bad ... Apart from that, that saw the young soldier portrayed by Ben Foster, torn between a girl whose first love was about to be married with another ugly chick and a second which he announced the death of his guy and sees him as a source of comfort, it will not hit badly. So I have a mate eye slow because I matais Small Handkerchiefs the other in rapid eye on my netbook first cry! And yet, I just say it's not too bad. I have not seen real speed, and I say it's not bad! That is to say where is my big indulgence Hollywood melodramas ...


The Messenger Oren Moverman with Ben Foster, Woody Harrelson and Jena Malone (2009)

Rash On Baby Butt Blisters

The Heartbreaker

Your daughter is dating a bad guy? Your sister got stuck in a passionate relationship with a destructive porn actor? Your aunt has been married for 50 years at your Uncle Roland who is a sucker? Your mother size pipes to Mike Tyson? Today, there is a radical solution, it is called Alex. His profession: professional couple breaker. His method: a denture of Orang-utan to crack all Zlip the world. Her filmography: all films of Tony Gatlif's gypsy. In fact, the seducer in question is none other than Romain Duris, making The Heartbreaker the film must all Gadji. They materont this turnip with envy while at their sides gadjos will want to die before the face of this decrepit freshwater carp named Vanessa Paradis. For it is that Duris must issue its ideal husband.

The scene that made me dream of being a big huge wearing a hat in summer and hung to his nokia

Our seducer the lack refuses at first, ethics dictating not break the unhappy couples to free women from the shackles of marriage and husbands miserable. Apparently only women suffer from bad marriages is good to know. Now it turns out that Vanessa Paradis saw the great love with a foppish very significant. Duris nevertheless ends up accepting the large check signed by the father of Vanessa Paradis for breaking the idyllic couple of the young woman because he needs the money over a silly side story of gangsters who serves macguffin ultra stinky to this sad comedy . So the whole scenario will be to make us follow the adventures of Romain Duris, up to his neck in his mission to fuck the shit in a couple of dreams that did not ask. That said we feel that Paradise is not completely happy in this household. Throughout the film we guess believed that her husband is actually a fine motherfucker, a type ladle, a wound. Well actually no, it's just too perfect, too slick, too much in love, whatever ... Paradise and will eventually leave everything behind to catch snags disordered Duris between his own teeth of adversity, even though it has cheated throughout the film, even if all the air of a true moron, history of fun in life with a marsupial hysterical. Another film that gives the face a disastrous image of the husband and which, unwittingly, is therefore a vitriolic portrait the figure of the woman. Besides the other chick's movie is the friend of Heaven, played by Helena Noguerra, subscribes to all the eternal roles of streaks of French cinema, which embodies all hands a bitch volunteer whose obsession is to be put by any passing male to be around her. It remains silent.

favorite actress of French side from the one they all fucked

Still it is this moron of Noguerra resulting in the only scene just funny about the film. Duris raking complete information that is on Paradise to try to put it to use history to seduce her: she loves George Michael shamefully, it gets off course Dirty Dancing and she has no feeling in his left shoulder from a crash skate . So during a meal at the restaurant where he hesitates on the menu between the donkey (Paradise) and pig (Noguerra), Duris purposely spill hot soup on a gam that was previously protected then rant he did not feel anything because he has no feeling in that leg from a fall while skating, what Paradise is quick to reply: "Yikes coincidence of Guedin! It just so happens that I myself shoulder to white since I'm Galtee with a two-wheeled skateboard. Trivias, correspondence, reconciliation, love at first sight. Noguerra But who decided to intervene in this dialogue, then asks Duris: "If I plant a knife into the ham you feel Queudes?". Duris nods and one guinea fowl will then plant 5cm fork in the wrong leg. Duris screams of pain by addressing bitch. Noguerra Immediately repeat the experiment in the right leg. Normal. What's more normal than to disengage the box to someone who claims to have lost its sensitivity. I like that idea. Necessarily if someone told me he had lost feeling in his arm I'll hasten to cut her to see. So nice scene. But the rest ...

Duris in the trade is called "The patch"

We never tired to do this comedy from beyond the grave. The tragedy is that they have met François Damiens and the ignoble Julie Ferrier, a duet "comical" for that, duo fell in the water as it is not allowed. As for the romance aspect of the brothel ... How not to want to puke before the jokes Romain "Jigsaw Puzzle" Duris old woman to seduce this hideous sickly, pale and anorexic what Vanessa "Far From Heaven" Heaven? You should see the type Duris interpret classical music fan who goes to concerts and spend an hour and a half listening to a piano piece by mimicking very seriously all pianist's gestures in the air, almost slapping his seatmate when notes leave in the bass or treble response. You must see this. But to watch it at this dramatic genius, this crap comedy, he must also endure the worst couple of French films trying to imitate - and oh so clumsily - the final dance scene from Dirty Dancing in a romantic comedy hopes to draw on the worst American movies and to do this quote and pump directly and painfully funny classics from across the Atlantic. What a sight ... A trivia

tetanizing: This film brings together a couple of saw teeth! The two French actors in the worst dentures. We present a record of rotten teeth on film. 32 snags for Duris, 31 months ratounes Paradis (one is missing in the middle, which is conspicuous by its absence), which makes a total of 63 caries unfolded on the big screen. The combined record of Predator and Ron Perlman are beaten.

The Heartbreaker Chaumeil with Romain Pascal Duris, Vanessa Paradis, Francois Damiens, Helena Noguerra and Julie Ferrier (2010)